Dear Diary,

Hello diary...it's been such a long time since the last time i wrote you my feelings here...kindda miss you.. :)

Im in indo right not..enjoying my holiday...as im goin to beijing on 20 Feb..exzactly 1 month from today..the school had accept me for their course..and they had issued me my studets visa too..its only waiting for me to buy the air ticket n fly there...

diary...its valentine soon...and i miss my boy..i hope i can spent my valentines with him.. :(

But, he promise me to accompany me on my birthday as he will be fly to beijing to see me..but that of course if his parents allowed him to...pray for me they do alright..i miss you diary..n i love n miss you too my baby shin in singapore...muckh..

Dear Diary,

Diary..How are you...? im in indonesia right now..diary..i am very sad n lost now..my baby..lied to me again..it's been few weeks we didn't quarell..because both of us know..we left too little time together to be quarelling..but today..i called him and ask him for a break up..again.. :(

I didn't want this to happend too..as you know..i love him very mush..why willi break up with him if he did.t hurt me too much...? whoever who read my story line with me..they will know..i love him very mush..and hurt me very much too..

from today afternoon..we been msgin..until around 3 pm..he said he can't msg anymore bcoz he's goin to his dad place to help him..i know something didn't seems right..so i called his house..his mother pick up da call..i ash her is he goint o his dad place to give him a hand..? his mom sadi no..and she also told me that shin go out at 1am last night and came back at 4am..

After i hang up da call..i gave him a called..i ask him..at first..he said no..where got..but i insisting taht ia m right..and finally he confess..he really go out at 1 am with yan..i was so angry..n ask him tehn where is he goin now..i accuse him not goin to his dad place at that time..and he answer me a "yes, i am not"...diary..my heart break..my tears fell down..i can't control my brain, heart n tears at the same time..i was so torn up..

I hang up da phone soon after that..i had a big cry inside the let..i thinkn think..i flush our relationship band inside the toilet bowl..when i saw it missing..tehre is somthing inside my heart who cryin and want me to look for it again..but i hold back that feelin..i throw the diamond ring that he gave me into my toilet rack light..until now..it's still there..

I called him again..i ask him for a break up..but he said he don't want to..and i said i don't care..and i hang up teh call..he lied to me he's goin to his dad place..but he went to work..i don't know why he lied to me about this..i am don't like him to work..but..when i was in china..he said he went to work..i also said nothing but ok..and now..if he told me the truth..i will allowed him..:( but he choose to lied..maybe it's my fault..am i...?

I am lost diary..i don't know what should i do..he always said sorry when he lied..and always said trust me every time me talk..but..how can i trust him if he lie to me again and again..i gave him too many chances..but he always make me dissapointed.. :(

Diary..i hope my day will gets better..i hope i can found my real prince..or i can be strong and always stand with my own feet without relayin on others..because..if i continue to be this way..i think..i can't hold on too long..because i am really tired..

I use my everything to bet for this game of my life..i don't know what will happend in my future..but i still choose to bet with it..actually..in the begining..i thought this bet of mine will hold 85% to win..but now..i guess i was wrong..i won't be so lucky.. :(
But, now it's too late to take it back..what i can do it's just go on and see..

So diary..i really didn't wanting too much..i didn't even dare to want that i win at the end..all i want it's just could someone..please just let me be a little happier.. :( because..i am a broken angel that can't fly anymore.. :(

Good night my little diary..:(

Dear Diary,

Hello diary..how are you...? I just reach singapore last night..and today i went out with my baby and my mom in the afternoon..

The university in Beijing was fine..but the weather i don't really enjoy it..very dry n cold..actually..i don't really know should i go or not..it's not because i need to leave my parents here n i don't bear..it's because i know i might not survive without my baby.. :( only my baby that can makes me feels this way...

I LOVE YOU baby...sarangheyo...always.. :)

good night

Dear Diary,

Diary..today will be the last day i am wearing my school uniform..hmmm...i don't know willi miss it or not...haiz...5 yrs just past away...no more high school...that means..im gonna leave my baby for 7 days..n our time to be together won't have much already..i miss him...:(

Haizz...tomorrow..i will be goin to beijing with my family to see my school for next year..and together with holiday..its been such a long time our family never gone for a holiday together..although it's a good things..but..i can't bear to leave this place in someway..not bacause of the country of course..because of someone..i left 1/2 of my heart here..and i didn't bear..:( but i have no choice..

Diary..from tomorrow onwards..it's a new day..a new life for me..new road...diary..please bless me in every way..and..if my baby get to read my diary..i want you to know what..i love you..you must be sleepin right now..you were not feeling well this evening..hope you getting better..take care of your self..don't make me worry ok..? and..last but not least..always know that i love you in every way...:) miss you very much now..:(

MMm...good night and take care diary...you too baby.. :)

.

Dear Diary,

Hello diary..today is the last day of my high school...hahahaha..this is what i waiting for since 5 yrs ago..it's like..FINALLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...hahahaha..we can throw away all the text books and just concentrate on our hobbies..isn't that great...?

But..it means..the lesser time i get to be with my baby..i miss him so much..really really miss him..now i really agree..when he's leaveing..then you will know how much they mean for us..like now..i know our time to be togrther is not much anymore..i love him more n more..this is not things i want to turn out to be..but it's just the truth..i can run from it..

I love him more by days go by... i don't know how will i adapt in indos and beijing without him by my side..i am used to the feelings of him be by myside..his smell..his company..his voice..everything..and when i need to leave all his by sudden..i know i wont make it..because even now..i feel like dyin..i miss him so badly..wish he's here with me..

Diary..please..please..let me be more stronger when i am alone in the next few days ok..because..my baby won't be by myside..:(

Baby..i love you..and please remember our promise okie..? love you..always...

Haiz..good night diary..

Dear Diary,

Hello diary...haiz today..i guess..just an ordinary day... actually my day has been ok until 12:25pm... my mom..i don't know why suddenly she nag here and there..i don't know why..maybe is me and my sister fault..but..haiz never mind...

Anyway...all i know is..i miss my baby badly..i love him so much..now..i really feel like hugin him and just be inside his arms.. it feels warm and so good..i miss him diary..very very miss him..when i think about when i need to leave him here..i just can't stop my tears... how can i leave my baby alone here..? i wish he can go with me to beijing..but i know it does not possible..and eventhough it possible..it only few mths...haiz...what i know now is..i need him..i miss him so badly...

Baby..if you get to read this msg..i just want you to know that i love you so much..and i need you to be by my side all the time...and last but not least..don't ever forget me ya..and remember that once in your life time..there is a girl who loves you more than anything else..i love you baby..

Thanz for listening ya diary...tomorrow will be a better day right..? :) good night diary... :)

Dear diary,

hello diary...it's been such a long time that i never write ya...it is because i can't online..my com on service..i go to refomat all the things...hehehehe...do you realize today i used other colour to write...? hehehehehhe...

Anyway...these days..it's been up and down for me..there is a day when i quarell with baby...quarell so badly until i cant help it and gone mad..haiz...but..today..i go just fine..and he promise me ot to go out until i go to beijing thid 25...its good la ya,..so i wont so stress...

haiz..anyway diary..i found that i love him much more than before..i love love love him sooo much...:) really i do..somethimes when he made me so mad..i thought of leting him go.. but i found that i can't let go..i don't know why...

What i hope now is that..he's not only playin with my heart..because i really love him so much.. anyway diary...really happy i can talk to you again.. :) when i get so mad..and my com on service..i always think of you..how good it will be when i can write diary at tjose times... :) anyway...welcome back..and good night ya diary.. :)